Shenzhen Shenanighans
March 2019
There has been a lot of China this year, but I wanted to share one of my more comical experiences of the traveling season. Shenzhen isn't a particularly alluring city, but it has it's charms. My favorite park in the world is there. The food is good and generally, it's pretty chill. On this particular occasion I had two goals for any potential downtime: go to the park and master the new camera and find a spa. My colleague, who is a family man with season passes to Disneyland, recommended a place near our hotel. I mention the season passes because the guy is about as nerdy, solid family man material as you can get. This becomes important.
So I am out on the hunt and Google and China doesn't always compute so I'm thinking the spa this guy recommend can't be too far. I find an elevator to some sort of lounge and thikg I've nailed it. There is absolutely no question once I'm upstairs that I have stumbled into a parlor alright, for things I didn't want to buy. Awkwardly trying to avoid participating in the purchase of prostitution (legal or not?) I rushed down the elevator and had a good laugh with myself. I rounded the corner and saw two young men in bellman type uniforms (see purple velvet with gold piping) in front of a really ornate entrance. This was the place, for sure! So I went up the elevator and an English speaker explained the menu of services and we got in motion with the spa experience. This was the end of English for the rest of the experience. They lead me up a grand staircase where I was given a bracelet that opened my locker. I placed keys, phone, passport and wallet in said locker. They then give you pajamas so you can wander around in spa mode. There was a point where I realized I had nothing I needed to survive if this was sketchy (not even proper shoes because they took them too). Trying to be cool, I took my little spa shower and all the while I'm making up headlines about the security professional that was sold into the Asia sex trade after foolishly giving up all personal items and putting on the pj's uniform of submission. I then weave through more complicated hallways and am shown a screen with 8 women on it. Thinking I had definitely made a horrible miscalculation, I tried to signal in English that I didn't want that. She just ushered me on to the next area. Trying to let it go, it was time for my massage. I walk in the room and the girl was sitting on the floor, which was entirely a bed. (Mental swearing and not sure how to handle it.) I thought, maybe this is how it works in China? Better leverage if we are all on the same level? Also thinking I haven't seen an Asian I couldn't fight yet. So now I'm in my underpants, on a bed, with a tiny Chinese woman getting the worst massage of my life. She was definitely channeling her rage in her work. This included acrobatics of climbing on top of me, massaging my stomach (this is an orient move apparently) and a lot of odd joint manipulation.
At the end of the adventure, it turned out it wasn't sketchy in the dramatic human trafficking kind of way I was imagining, just standard China bizarreness. All this is to say it was a good reminder to get my security brain back engaged when it comes to my personal safety. Maybe the public park is more my speed.
Here are a few photos from the camera boot camp I put myself through that week. I did find that photographing people enjoying park adventures was great practice for the wildlife of Africa a month later. Enjoy!
There has been a lot of China this year, but I wanted to share one of my more comical experiences of the traveling season. Shenzhen isn't a particularly alluring city, but it has it's charms. My favorite park in the world is there. The food is good and generally, it's pretty chill. On this particular occasion I had two goals for any potential downtime: go to the park and master the new camera and find a spa. My colleague, who is a family man with season passes to Disneyland, recommended a place near our hotel. I mention the season passes because the guy is about as nerdy, solid family man material as you can get. This becomes important.
So I am out on the hunt and Google and China doesn't always compute so I'm thinking the spa this guy recommend can't be too far. I find an elevator to some sort of lounge and thikg I've nailed it. There is absolutely no question once I'm upstairs that I have stumbled into a parlor alright, for things I didn't want to buy. Awkwardly trying to avoid participating in the purchase of prostitution (legal or not?) I rushed down the elevator and had a good laugh with myself. I rounded the corner and saw two young men in bellman type uniforms (see purple velvet with gold piping) in front of a really ornate entrance. This was the place, for sure! So I went up the elevator and an English speaker explained the menu of services and we got in motion with the spa experience. This was the end of English for the rest of the experience. They lead me up a grand staircase where I was given a bracelet that opened my locker. I placed keys, phone, passport and wallet in said locker. They then give you pajamas so you can wander around in spa mode. There was a point where I realized I had nothing I needed to survive if this was sketchy (not even proper shoes because they took them too). Trying to be cool, I took my little spa shower and all the while I'm making up headlines about the security professional that was sold into the Asia sex trade after foolishly giving up all personal items and putting on the pj's uniform of submission. I then weave through more complicated hallways and am shown a screen with 8 women on it. Thinking I had definitely made a horrible miscalculation, I tried to signal in English that I didn't want that. She just ushered me on to the next area. Trying to let it go, it was time for my massage. I walk in the room and the girl was sitting on the floor, which was entirely a bed. (Mental swearing and not sure how to handle it.) I thought, maybe this is how it works in China? Better leverage if we are all on the same level? Also thinking I haven't seen an Asian I couldn't fight yet. So now I'm in my underpants, on a bed, with a tiny Chinese woman getting the worst massage of my life. She was definitely channeling her rage in her work. This included acrobatics of climbing on top of me, massaging my stomach (this is an orient move apparently) and a lot of odd joint manipulation.
At the end of the adventure, it turned out it wasn't sketchy in the dramatic human trafficking kind of way I was imagining, just standard China bizarreness. All this is to say it was a good reminder to get my security brain back engaged when it comes to my personal safety. Maybe the public park is more my speed.
Here are a few photos from the camera boot camp I put myself through that week. I did find that photographing people enjoying park adventures was great practice for the wildlife of Africa a month later. Enjoy!
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